Navigating Narcissism: 3 Strategies for Healthy Interaction.
In the past decade, the term "narcissist" seems to have become a prevalent part of our cultural discourse. Many individuals claim to have encountered narcissists in their personal relationships or even in their professional settings. But before we hastily label everyone around us, it's essential to recognize that, to some degree, we all display narcissistic traits during our early developmental stages. At its core, narcissism revolves around an excessive focus on the self – a trait that can manifest as both insecurity and an inflated sense of self-importance.
While it's true that some people develop narcissistic tendencies that persist into adulthood, it's important to understand that healthy development typically involves transitioning from a self-centered perspective to one that embraces interconnectedness and empathy. This transition marks the shift from the toddler's egocentric worldview, where only their needs matter, to a more complex and empathetic understanding of others, a multi-perspective view of life. Multi-perspectivity marks a higher stage of development, according to stage developmental theories like the Spiral Dynamics, Integral Theory or Robert Keagan’s 5 Stages of Consciousness.
Dealing with narcissists can be emotionally taxing, as they tend to drain energy, provoke unnecessary drama, and undermine one's sense of self. Here are three effective strategies for effectively navigating relationships with narcissistic individuals, whether they are family members, friends, or colleagues:
Gray Rocking: Dissolving the Drama
One approach to dealing with narcissists is known as "Gray Rocking." According the CNN article, this technique involves responding to their interactions with bland, unemotional, and uninteresting replies until they lose interest. Dr. W. Keith Campbell, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia, likens this strategy to detaching from their need for attention. While there might not be extensive research on this method, anecdotal evidence suggests its efficacy. By minimizing emotional engagement, you avoid fueling their need for validation and drama.
Emotional Aikido: Redirecting Energy
Drawing inspiration from martial arts, the concept of "Emotional Aikido" suggests redirecting the energy of a narcissistic encounter especially one that has a potential of being emotionally and energetically abusive. Just as martial artists use an opponent's energy to their advantage, this strategy involves mentally redirecting the energy of a narcissistic encounter into an "empty space." You can even change your physical position after the encounter took place. Rather than absorbing the negativity, you can visualize it flowing harmlessly into a neutral space somewhere next you. This approach maintains your emotional distance while simultaneously deterring their attempts to manipulate or drag into you their self-oriented drama space.
Strategic Communication and Boundaries: Engaging from a Place of Calm
Sometimes, despite your best efforts to disengage, you might feel compelled to respond to a narcissistic individual who has crossed boundaries. In such cases, opt for strategic communication. But do not try to communicate with them during the actual attack. They will unlikely to hear you. Use gray rocking or emotional aikido strategy and walk away. Craft a calm and concise message outlining your perspective and boundaries. Remember, it's crucial to deliver this message when the person with a narcissist personality is in a neutral state, not in the heat of an argument. Just as you wouldn't attempt to reason with an upset toddler, approaching a narcissist when they are more receptive can lead to more constructive conversations.
Understanding and dealing with narcissism requires a combination of empathy, boundary-setting, and emotional intelligence. While it's tempting to label individuals as "narcissists," recognizing the complexities of human development can provide insight into why certain behaviors arise. Employing strategies like Gray Rocking, Emotional Aikido, and strategic communication can help you maintain your emotional well-being and navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals more effectively. Remember, the goal is not to change them, but to safeguard your own mental and emotional health.
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Elena Mosaner, MS, is a Certified Hypnotherapist, Master NLP Practitioner, and ICF Certified Coach with over 15 years of experience in helping people with habit-building, conquering fears, confidence-building, performance, and other personal development and wellness issues. She is also an author and the founder of HypnoCloud, a digital hypnotherapy app. Contact us for your complimentary consultation.